|
How to Lovingly Address Hot Button Issues with Friends and Family—And When to Stop Casting Your Pearls Before Pigs
Let’s just be honest, navigating hot button issues with friends and family is one of the hardest tasks most Christian’s face today. In a culture obsessed with drawing lines, picking sides, and “canceling” anyone who disagrees, how do you stand for biblical truth without fracturing relationships or hardening hearts? And at what point do you pull back and stop trying to win someone over, as Jesus Himself suggested by warning against “casting your pearls before pigs” (Matthew 7:6, ESV)?
First, you have to start with humility and love. Paul’s famous “love chapter” in 1 Corinthians 13 isn’t just for weddings. When it comes to controversial topics, whether politics, morality, sexuality, or marriage it’s vital to check your motives. Are you entering the conversation to prove a point or to genuinely love the other person?
Are you more interested in “winning” than listening? The fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) must shape how you speak: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. No biblical argument, no matter how airtight, will matter if it’s delivered with pride, condescension, or bitterness.
James commands believers to be “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19, ESV). That means starting by listening, really listening, to understand their story and their struggle. It doesn’t mean agreeing with everything, but it does mean treating the other person as an image-bearer of God, worthy of dignity and respect. Too many Christians skip the listening step and go straight to lecturing or one-upping. That never works. Before you ever open your mouth, earn the right to be heard.
But let’s not swing so far toward niceness that we water down the truth. Biblical love never means affirming what God has called sin or trading clarity for approval. Ephesians 4:15 urges us to “speak the truth in love,” which means saying what’s true, as gently as possible, without dodging or diluting.
If a friend or family member asks directly where you stand, don’t twist or apologize for God’s standards; calmly, clearly, and humbly explain the biblical position. Root your words in Scripture, not just opinion. If possible, show your heart “This is what God has said, and as hard as it is, I believe it’s what leads to life.”
Anticipate pushback. Some topics will always trigger strong reactions, anger, tears, defensiveness, maybe even accusations of bigotry or hatred. Remember, people are not just rejecting your logic, they’re defending deep beliefs that may be tied to identity, family, or pain. Don’t escalate; stay calm. Repeat their points, treat their concerns seriously, and look for moments to offer prayer and hope. If you sense true curiosity or vulnerability, linger longer. But if the conversation dissolves into mockery, shouting, or repeated attempts to trap you take Jesus’ advice in Matthew 7:6.
What does it mean to “stop casting your pearls before pigs”? Jesus isn’t calling anyone a literal pig, but He’s making a point about value and discernment. Pearls symbolize the preciousness of the gospel and God’s wisdom. If someone repeatedly tramples, mocks, or abuses what is holy, there comes a point to step back and entrust them fully to God.
Evangelism isn’t a wrestling match. No one was ever argued or nagged into the Kingdom. Sometimes the most faithful act is to quietly withdraw, pray, and wait for God to soften their heart over time.
Consider Jesus Himself: He endured endless questions and challenges, but sometimes He simply refused to engage with hostile audiences (Matthew 21:23-27). Paul, too, would occasionally “shake the dust from his feet” and move on when his message was rejected (Acts 13:44-52).
Here’s the bottom line: Be available, be patient, be unflinching in truth, and unrelenting in love. Refuse to compromise what God has clearly revealed. But when you come up against mockery, hostility, or closed doors, don’t force the issue. Step back, pray, and keep your heart open for another opportunity down the road. Remember, only God can change a heart. And He does His best work sometimes long after the conversation has ended.
Pastor Justin |
